Simon Peter and I share the same indignant ignorance

So I am finishing my BSF lesson. Late because I have been pre-occupied with myself this week. You know our office burned down and its been re-built. Today, Wednesday April 30th, 2008 is the day I get to move back in. It burned on May 8th 2007. Less than a year and we are back in a new and fabulous office. Soooo anyway back to the point. Finishing my BSF lesson I am always amazed at what I learn and even more amazed and what I did not even realize I did not know. If you have heard any bible story at all you know it was Judas who betrayed Jesus to the chief priests. You probably heard he was paid 30 silver for this betrayal. My answer to what was the significance of 30 silver was "perhaps the going rate for betraying the messiah?" There are several references in the bible about 30 silver. Well the answer is 30 silver was the cost of a slave. So for the cost of a slave Judas betrayed Jesus. I have more on that later because Judas, Oh Judas he wears me out and what a bad deal he got. Jesus, had to be betrayed because it was prophesied but Judas did not have to do it. He chose and what a price he paid. Now, to the heart of the matter. Simon, Peter...I am just like this silly man. Asking all kinds of crazy questions, mostly because no one else will ask? But what I love about Peter is that Jesus prayed for him. During the last supper and in the Garden of Gethsemane preoccupied with himself. Peter declares his faith will not be shaken he would never deny Jesus good grief he was willing to die with Jesus. Then in the garden he can not even stay awake to pray for his dear master who earnestly needs prayer. Well Jesus is no fool he knows where to go for strength, and it wasn't to Peter. Then after falling asleep because he (Peter) was filled with sadness he draws his sword to fight when Jesus is arrested. After this moment of bravery he denies Christ three times, rooster crows. Jesus looks him in the eye and the bible says "he wept bitterly." I imagine, this was real suffering. The beauty of Peter is this is really one of the moments when became Peter (the rock) instead of Simon. In case you did not know Jesus changed his name...he changed it to mean what he knew Peter would become. Not what he was when he found him. So how am I like this? Because I too am an indignant fool. Proclaiming, my love and loyalty, carrying around my sword and sleeping when I grow tired with sadness. My gung ho life gets tiring some days and I am out of vitamins, why can I not remember that I can be renewed with Jesus and that God will strengthen me? Doing my (BSF...Bible Study Fellowship) daily renews my mind and fills my heart. I am reminded of Jesus as I consider this. His cup was not forced upon him; he chose to drink it. Jesus had the will to choose God's will for his life. Now its my turn. There is rest in right standing with God, there is peace in being in his will. You have not because you ask not...that's in James somewhere...I fear sometimes though if I ask he is sure to answer and am I ready to live full time in His will. It is the desire of my heart but I am just so sleepy sometimes.