do you ever really know people well enough to talk about them?

I am so bad at this blogging thing. I have loads of drafts full of life's lessons taught by God, family but mostly by my blessed friends. I guess I am not sure if anyone is ever really reading them. I guess you have to keep up with the blogging to get a real following...hehe but then again. Sometimes writing it all down documenting my lessons drives them home.

So here it is...I am so sick of being fat. My girlfriends are too. WE discuss the things we would like to do and I so envy another friend of mine who works out several times a week. I envy the desire to go to a gym and with diligence think about the things you put in your mouth. Then on the flip side of that I am reminded of people I know who seem obsessed with what they eat or I am told only go to the gym because there is nothing else to do so I need to do something. Well I am here to say...its time to find some dang balance. I am all for a partner to work out with but I am not going to a gym...not doing it. I feel like morning is better but morning to me and morning to others well sometimes that's just two different things. I want accountability to this thing but I have been and am in accountability in other areas of my life and Geez some days that is almost unbearable. My life is overwhelming me and I am not going to down play the activities, expectations, or obligations but I am overwhelmed because I am not focused...There is no real goal. I am overwhelmed because I am running behind trying to catch up rather than running ahead and leading the way, clearing the path. I used to do this...I think I got tired and now I am tired all the time. I am rediscovering books. I am rediscovering vigilant prayer life. I feel the effects the changes and I think I might be ready to start the race again. However, mostly it comes down to choices. The first choice...begin my day with God in prayer let him order it then follow his instructions. The rest, its his body (temple), his house, his finances, his spouse, his children, his business, his closing...treat it all that way.

Studying Again...So here goes

The bend in the road…How often are we discouraged by the bend in the road? How many times do we shake our heads and say I knew this was coming or I should’ve known that was a bad idea. Only at the end of the journey to look back through every bend and say…Its not what I would have chosen but I would do it again to be where I am or have what I have in my life be it spiritually, financially, emotionally you name it.
How does a frightened fugitive become a courageous leader…time with God. Hello captain obvious, why do we have so much trouble with the simplest things in life. It’s like my tax reform idea it’s just too simple for a government as complicated as ours to implement. However, in my life which is usually only complicated by me I too can not see the simplest answer all the time. And the idea that obedience can mean increased suffering to one’s self and others. This is not an idea I’m all that crazy about. I am mostly ok with obedience except when it gets in the way of…lets see…my life, my fun, 42 cocktails you fill in the blank here for yourself. However, on the days I do choose obedience my life in the end becomes less complicated and I am free. Isn’t it funny that what seems so hard at first and up front in the end becomes the thing that offers the most freedom. It is freedom too, that peace you feel that surpasses all understanding when you just lay your head on your pillow that night with out vice or disobedience? Why is that freedom so hard to remember when faced with the temptation or discouragement? I am so grateful that my discouragement never discourages God. I am however most grateful for the ability to be transparent in prayer. In the notes at first glance it seems like Moses is being a big sissy about “O Lord, why have you brought trouble upon this people? Is this why you sent me?” (Exodus 5:22) however, the explanation in the notes Page 2 Section III “It was a desperate prayer growing out of great personal pain, but the question Moses asked was reasonable and his description was accurate.” I am not much for a victim. I have great compassion for people who suffer affliction, addiction and circumstance, I know suffering brings enormous gifts and I am sickened by the choice to stay the victim under any circumstance; and never receive the gift. I am familiar with the story so I know Moses’ is not being a victim because as said before his description was accurate. I wonder some days are mine?

God’s changing things for me girls, doors are opening that I was never quite sure of before. Things I did not recognize God could ever really use it seems he is using. I am still praying for his provision and the ability to recognize his provision but also his will for me and that some days he might need to use a 2x4 instead of a whisper but I am trying really really hard to be still and know to be quiet and hear.

Simon Peter and I share the same indignant ignorance

So I am finishing my BSF lesson. Late because I have been pre-occupied with myself this week. You know our office burned down and its been re-built. Today, Wednesday April 30th, 2008 is the day I get to move back in. It burned on May 8th 2007. Less than a year and we are back in a new and fabulous office. Soooo anyway back to the point. Finishing my BSF lesson I am always amazed at what I learn and even more amazed and what I did not even realize I did not know. If you have heard any bible story at all you know it was Judas who betrayed Jesus to the chief priests. You probably heard he was paid 30 silver for this betrayal. My answer to what was the significance of 30 silver was "perhaps the going rate for betraying the messiah?" There are several references in the bible about 30 silver. Well the answer is 30 silver was the cost of a slave. So for the cost of a slave Judas betrayed Jesus. I have more on that later because Judas, Oh Judas he wears me out and what a bad deal he got. Jesus, had to be betrayed because it was prophesied but Judas did not have to do it. He chose and what a price he paid. Now, to the heart of the matter. Simon, Peter...I am just like this silly man. Asking all kinds of crazy questions, mostly because no one else will ask? But what I love about Peter is that Jesus prayed for him. During the last supper and in the Garden of Gethsemane preoccupied with himself. Peter declares his faith will not be shaken he would never deny Jesus good grief he was willing to die with Jesus. Then in the garden he can not even stay awake to pray for his dear master who earnestly needs prayer. Well Jesus is no fool he knows where to go for strength, and it wasn't to Peter. Then after falling asleep because he (Peter) was filled with sadness he draws his sword to fight when Jesus is arrested. After this moment of bravery he denies Christ three times, rooster crows. Jesus looks him in the eye and the bible says "he wept bitterly." I imagine, this was real suffering. The beauty of Peter is this is really one of the moments when became Peter (the rock) instead of Simon. In case you did not know Jesus changed his name...he changed it to mean what he knew Peter would become. Not what he was when he found him. So how am I like this? Because I too am an indignant fool. Proclaiming, my love and loyalty, carrying around my sword and sleeping when I grow tired with sadness. My gung ho life gets tiring some days and I am out of vitamins, why can I not remember that I can be renewed with Jesus and that God will strengthen me? Doing my (BSF...Bible Study Fellowship) daily renews my mind and fills my heart. I am reminded of Jesus as I consider this. His cup was not forced upon him; he chose to drink it. Jesus had the will to choose God's will for his life. Now its my turn. There is rest in right standing with God, there is peace in being in his will. You have not because you ask not...that's in James somewhere...I fear sometimes though if I ask he is sure to answer and am I ready to live full time in His will. It is the desire of my heart but I am just so sleepy sometimes.

Judas Iscariot why the whole name?

Don't you know it made him mad that when ever they referred to him they also gave his nationality. They did not do this to the others like they do when Judas is mentioned in the bible. I don't care what discovery channel is pondering at the moment Judas was not Jesus most beloved and trusted friend. Had he been a part of that plan he would have lived to carry on like the others the gospel of Good News. I used to think he got a bad deal but I am over that now. There had to be a betrayer...it did not have to be Judas. God gives us free will and the choice is ours. I do think Judas, was trying to call down all the powers of heaven so that Israel would have a KING. He just I think was working things out his own way rather than waiting on God's timing. Like I so often do. Or rather not following directions down to the detail like was expected of Moses. Tomorrow is Good Friday, worship the King...the choice is yours I promise.

There is a spot on my window and my shoes are on backwards

Listening yesterday in my BSF(Bible Study Fellowship and in depth weekly bible study you are welcome to join) lecture the leader/teacher gal started with the analogy of humility feeling like your shoes being on backwards. It just does not feel right and all in all it just does not work. If you're wearing flip flops you are bound to trip be cause the big toe is gonna be on concrete and the little toe is just gonna have too much shoe in front of it. Me, well I'd be face flat on the ground. The hardest part about face flat on the ground is that you can't read the word there either. You have to get up, on your knees is best on days like that I have found. The next thing she taught was about our sin. She said she was trying to clean one of her windows (The outsides) and there was a spot she could not get. She then realized that the spot was on the inside and she would have to go inside to get it off. Sin is just like that especially our secret sin. The one that only we know about or we think we are the only one who knows. We all have a spot on our window somewhere and God has become very clear about mine. So last night on the phone with my friend I decided to get out my windex and give it a go. God does not dissapoint. I emailed two ladies and told them about my plan and confessed my sin. They agreed to pray and keep me accountable. They were both encouraging. I asked God for a wake-up call and again he did not let me down. At 4:50 this morning bright and shiney God was knocking. The day went well I was very busy and i took my Fatty Dog to work with me.

Everyone should be able to take thier dog to work. Now its evening and the battle begins. Pray for me won't you?

I found a penny in the drive thru

Today I went to the taco bell my total was $5.13. I ordered a snacker (original crispy) and a burrito supreme and a medium drink. I had a five dollar bill and gave exact change. The girl in the window and I had a mis-handling of the monies and my change was dropped. So I opened the door backed up the car and picked up my change. You bet i did. I am married to Mr. Clifton. Who won't go in a restaurant when he's paying if the table cloths are white. Guess what I found. America is truly the land of opportunity. Someone should really tell those folks on the street with the signs that say HUNGRY will work for food. They can walk near the drive-thru and gather a bundle. You walk place to place and pick up all that change...only in America.



consider this, You go to the corner store every morning for your biscuit and coffee its $2.99 how many times do you leave the change? Its just a penny or is it? That $.01 multiplied by the majority of the people who would not consider waiting for the additional and are in a rush to go to work. Then multiplied by the 5 days of the work week. Then by the number of stores the owner has then by the 52 weeks in the year. WOW! That's alot of money.

It is our pride that rushes us in our "busy" lives and makes us so above the crowd that we either don't "need" the penny or our time is just to valuable to wait on it. What if Jesus is that penny? Will you wait or are you to busy?

I feel stretch marks...coming

I got a compliment today. My BSF leader...of all people said I challenge her in scripture. This is news to me. I struggle each week with my lesson. Version after version of the bible trying to decipher the parables and i challenge her...Wow what a compliment.

For the first time in months. I am using my alarm clock. I have not used it in month. Between 3:30AM and 5:00AM I just woke up. No real explanation just awake and don't go back to sleep. Now all of a sudden if not for the alarm I would sleep till near 7:00AM it seems. While this is not necessarily a bad thing the funny thing is. I began to define myself by my 5:00AM quite time. Taking pride in it. Oh how the lord loves to deal with our pride.

This week, the parables of the treasure, pearl and the net. Big discussion and no real interpretation or plain speaking from Jesus. Is it Israel, is it me I can not tell. So my decision...Boiling Frogs. Its a scientific fact if you drop a frog in boiling water he'll jump out. If you put him in room temp water and raise the heat he'll boil to death.

God, let the main things be the plain things and the plain things be the main things. Don't let me boil but meet me in the fire. It is there I am forged and looking for a reflection. Let it be you, the reflection. In the name of the precious savior Jesus...Amen

Weeds and Seeds who can tell

So when you get up between 3:00 and 5:00 AM you have a lot of time on your hands. This is really good for things like personal growth, getting down and dirty into God's word but then there is that time you start thinking. Your mind rolls over and over. If you do not have something on itunes you can concentrate on or your not doing your lesson or something, this time can get really scary. You allow yourself to be convinced of things that just are not true. I think this is what God meant in Matthew 13 when he discussed the weeds and the seeds. While we were sleeping he said and enemy planted weeds among the good seeds he had planted. Can't pull those suckers out either. If the weeds are removed from the good seeds they will never grow into maturity into the fullness of the depth of knowing him. So they must stay. They are all around us and we can't hardly tell one from another. My friend Marcy...see sweetness on places I hang out...has a quote on her Face that says "I hope the fruit of my life says it all, if it doesn't I'm in trouble." I read this every time I see her precious face on Facebook. It is in fact the fruit that separates the weeds from the seeds.

Dear God, let me be a seed and let me seek the answers in your word and only in your word. Amen.